I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize