Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
