Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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