i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
