I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
