I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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