You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
