Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Dicks are not precious.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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