Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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