am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
