the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
