I accidentally had phone sex last night
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
