So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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