Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
