Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
