Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Houston, we have a blender
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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