T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize