I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize