I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
