Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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