3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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