mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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