oh god the rape fog is back!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
