just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
