I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
