Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Small penises have feelings too.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize