I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Im part way to drunk.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
