That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
should my penis look like a turkey
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
