take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
