i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
my poor anus
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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