you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
