Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
