Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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