Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Randomize
