Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
