I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
