you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize