there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
