We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
