Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
