I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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