He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
