it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
