Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
