so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
