oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
