I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
