i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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