he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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