It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
