3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
