you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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