like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
