I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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