Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
