My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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