I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
