I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
