just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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