Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
