I wish I could punch you in the face.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
