thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
