just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
