I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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