just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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