What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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