you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
