I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
