And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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