YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
then he tried to convert me to islam
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
