I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
