she was so not down for the gang bang
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
