Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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