A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
