i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
