No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
