Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Randomize
