the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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