she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize