I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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