i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
