The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
