I wish I could punch you in the face.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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