that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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