Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
