You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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