that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
