Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
