You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
