I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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