Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
