Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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