I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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