What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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